|About the Book|
We see these angry people on TV all the time. The husband and wife, arguing while theyre washing dishes, who end up smashing plates full of food all over the kitchen. The angry teenager screaming “I hate you!” at his parents while he smashes his cell phone into the wall and then runs to his room and slams the door. Even young children get into the act, stomping on toys and throwing tantrums left and right. And then someone usually says something funny, the audience laughs, and the whole incident is forgotten.What they dont show you on TV is that someone has to clean up that mess in the kitchen. And someone has to pay to replace the plates. They dont show you that the reason the teenager thinks its OK to scream and destroy his cellphone is because he watches his parents act the same way. And they dont tell you that the reason the toddler is so angry is because everybody else in the house is always screaming and throwing things.What they dont show you on TV is all the harm anger can do. It has lasting effects on everyone around you. The toddler who is standing in the doorway witnessing the plate-throwing incident between mommy and daddy is learning that, when youre angry, it must be OK to scream and throw things. Mommy and daddy do it. And it must be OK to call people names – mommy and daddy do it all the time.On TV you dont get to see that same toddler, a few years later, physically attack their third grade teacher or try to poison their fifth grade teacher because they didnt like the grade they got on the math test. You dont get to see that same toddler grow into an angry teenager who takes a gun to school or the mall.All you see on TV is that someone gets angry and that its OK to violently express that anger...and then everyone laughs.In real life, its pretty easy to recognize when someone we know at work or school, or even just an acquaintance, has a problem with anger. They yell a lot, they throw things, they stomp their feet, they call you names and say terrible things to you, they behave irrationally, sometimes even putting themselves or someone else in danger.Unlike TV, though, the things they say to you are not funny. Theyre often very hurtful, things that they would never consider saying if they werent so angry. Things that they apologize for later, but that can never be taken back or forgotten.Their actions arent funny, either. Breaking plates and destroying property shows a lack of respect, not an appreciation of comedy. In fact, a lot of times, their actions are threatening. Imagine what that toddler in the doorway must really feel. I doubt shes laughing at all the fun mommy and daddy are having. More likely, shes frightened, which means she feels threatened.We see these angry people every day and we tend to shy away from them. Theres no telling what will set them off and we certainly dont want to be around the next time their violent temper erupts. But what if these angry people are right in your house? What if you cant get away from them? Worse yet, what if the angry person is YOU and you just dont realize it? What if YOU are the reason your entire household is always so upset and everyone you love is angry themselves?Too often we look for scapegoats, we look to others to blame for our bad choices because it’s difficult to accept that we ourselves may be the problem. The way I look at it, when the same issues continue to arise, when you often find yourself at the center of turmoil in your personal and professional life and you always arrive at the same outcome, for example your co-workers keep their distance from you and you find the same is true at home and your spouse and family do the same thing then perhaps the problem isn’t purely coincidental. If you find that you keep getting the same outcomes and reactions from people in your life, then it could be you. It’s what you’re doing that you’re not aware of. This should be a wake up call that you need to change. The sooner you can recognize this in yourself and that you need to change, the quicker you’ll have your life back on track.Just remember, if you keep getting the same reactions from people in regards to your behavior then you need to take a good long look at yourself and change some things. Wake up and observe other’s reactions to you, why do they treat you in a certain way?, what is it you are doing for people to treat you in this manner? Observe not only what you say to others but how you say it and how they react in response. You might find that you come across angry or have an aggressive tone when you speak without even realizing it.